It’s going to represent a growth and change I’ve experienced in my life. My stepping outside of the box I was raised within, felt I HAD to be in. My breaking free and discovering who I am, what I love, how I love. A transition to a happier, healthier life full of love and acceptance of all.
I can’t wait to show you guys!
You deserve it, kiddo! Love your life, Love MY life with you. You’re the bestest little ever!
daddyslittleprincess-daddydom said: Dear Vinnie! I've followed you for a long time and finally have a question, my daddy and I have troubles. I have the need for him to be more dominant, take control and he has the need for me to be more submissive, it seems I like to be in control and although I try hard to be submissive and I love to completely give myself over to it's power I get stressed not being in control because I've been through a lot of bad things with men in my life. Any advise for a struggling submissive ? ❤️❤️ Starr
Hooray, a question from a long time follower! Oh no that it’s about troubles. Darn those troubles.
There are many couples who face the situation you describe. Most excellent submissives are actually firmly in control of the majority of their lives. They are CEOs at big companies, successful professionals with successful personal lives as well. They are in control of their lives. And often, they have trouble — at first, or even after a number or scores of years — giving up that control, for a variety of reasons. Unless it’s a deeply psychological reason, it’s a common scenario, the submissive who fights against giving up control.
You may have a local kink community that offer educational or support groups. Our community has groups solely for submissives, or solely for Dominants, and then many groups for couples or kinksters of all varieties who all have varying interests. If you can find a support group for submissives, try to attend. You’ll make great friends and see that many others struggle in the same way you do. There will be some advice and insight to glean, and you’ll be on your way to solving your own issue here.
Also, read a lot of works by and about submissives.
Focus on you, not on whether or not your Dominant can be more Dominant. Let him be who he is. You can’t change people. But you can work more on yourself.
Then approach your relationships - the D/s framework of it - like a play in which each of you must play a role. Play YOUR role as best you can. Submit. Truly submit. Most people who want that control while submitting are actually bumping up into trust issues. But if you truly trust your partner, then trust your partner. Trust yourself to submit. Do your best NOT to control the situation. Give up that control.
At a time when you are not engaged in play, talk to each other. Tell each other what you like about the dynamic, what you want more of, what’s working, what’s not. First one person goes and one person listens. Then the other person talks and the first person listens. Don’t say what the other person should or should not do. Focus on what you want, what you crave, what you like - and what you don’t. Use “I” statements and focus on you. ”I’d like to feel more spankings.” ”I’d like to find opportunities to submit more, or to receive more punishments, or FUNishments.” Whatever it is you want, express it. But don’t say what your partner should do. Say what YOU want. IF you want to submit more, then submit more. Crawl to his feet, curl up and lay there. There’s a huge difference between this approach and saying, “I want you to do X to me more.” ”You’re NOT doing X to me more, but I’d really like that!”
The one approach expresses your needs. The other approach is criticism, and criticism breeds defensiveness. Speak to each other openly and without agenda.
Together, you’ll be able to figure out what each of you can and wants to bring to your D/s dynamic.
Trust is a really important thing to bring to your role as a submissive and to your part of a relationship. D/s relationships require a degree of trust beyond anything I’ve even known in a relationship. So yes, it’s a high wall to climb. But once you reach the top of that wall, the vista goes on….. forever.
Give it a try and then write me back and let me know how it goes! Thanks for writing!
- Daddy Vinnie
stringlesspassionatefriendship said: Daddy Vinnie, A few months back you gave me good advice about taking things slowly in finding a Daddy. I've learned a lot about what I want and I'm getting more comfortable in expressing that clearly. Just had a potential relationship turn out to not be for me and it was hard because I was so surprised that he decided to be snarky and demeaning in the end. I'm still proud of myself, but DARN IT! Just wanted to let you know I'm hanging in there and your words have stayed with me.
Hello and thanks for writing me back! That’s SO good that you went through that process of a potential relationship and yet held to what you want.
You should be proud of yourself. Good for you!
There are a lot of people out there who are….not so reliable. There are a lot of misfits and scammers out there, too. I think most of the people are probably just kind of lost, not knowing what they want and pretending as they go along. So when push comes to shove and they run into someone, like yourself, who does know what she wants, they don’t know how to act.
Remember that other people’s snarkiness and demeaning natures aren’t a reflection of yourself. They say more about him than anything. That’s true of all negative behaviors about a person. Don’t take those things personally!
Good for you in hanging in there! The right person will come along for you, and you will be there and ready and receptive.
Thank you for the honor of putting my words to the test. Being true to yourself (i didn’t make that up, btw. ;-)) is a difficult yet essential quality for having a remarkable life.
Write back and let me know how things are going from time to time. Huggs!
- Daddy Vinnie
ialwaysreadorganismwrong said: Well with an age gap of a whopping 27 years, we began our LDR in October. LDRs suck but it's the best we've got, I suppose. I am a huge fan of (in addition to having a teenybig crush on) you and your Lo! Your blog is so helpful! I'm always won...
Anonymous said: Hi Daddy Vinnie. I am in a dd/lg relationship with the sweetest man alive (my personal perspective). But he seems to be scared to hurt me. He always gives me a time-out when I've been bad, always (he has read somewhere on the net that that's a very effective little punishment). But sometimes I need a little more than just a time-out because I feel like I don't learn much from it... how can I tell him this respectfully? Thank you! ^^
Dear Wants Something More Anon,
Sounds like someone’s asking for a spanking. It’s up to your Daddy to punish you in the way he likes best.
If you want more - such as a spanking - maybe you can institute spanking time as a playtime activity.
I think if you get on all hours in front of him and wag your butt and look up at him coyly and say, “Daddy, will you spank me?” you very well might get a reaction from him. It’s really up to you and your dynamic.
But…. if you like spankings or want something else, why would your Daddy give you a spanking for a punishment if you like it? Sooooo, you see, your Daddy gets to choose which punishment he thinks works best for you!
At certain times, outside of your roles, you may wish to talk about what works and what does work about your dynamic. Then you can both grow in your roles and see what is the best for you both.
Instead of time-out, he could ask you to write lines. Would that be better? Be careful what you wish for. :)
- Daddy Vinnie