Anonymous said: If we sent a message a few weeks ago that hasn't been responded to, was the question just a little trivial or are you busy with the others? I know that sounds insecure, but I just decided it was best to ask.
Dear Come Off Anon Anon,
My inbox has many emails in it. If it’s an Anon, it has the lowest priority. But above all, they are all there because I’ve been busy.
If you want a message responded to quickly, please write me at my email address on my sidebar.
If you want a message responded to quickly on my blog, write from an account, not from Anon. Even then, when I get busy, I truly get overwhelmed and must make hard choices. I try to get a some questions out every day or every few days. Been busiest in my life right now - so patience, please.
Now if you REALLY want to get my attention, my “submit” button is on. One person sent a pouty pig-tailed face - no eyes, and cut off at tops of boobs - but whoa, come on— the rest was really naughty for a PG-13 pic. Yeah.. she got a reply. *wink*
- Daddy Vinnie
daddytoss said: Any advice for a daddy who has trouble communicating with his little when she's mad at him? Always seeming to make matters worse by doing or saying the wrong thing. Acting on impulse
Hello and welcome to my blog! What an interesting question.
First, why would you Little be mad at you? Who is in charge? Normally, Daddy is in charge and Little looks up to Daddy. Most Daddies can do no (or very little) wrong in a Little’s eyes. Littles have Daddy Worship issues. They do - or should - recognize that their Daddies are human and do make mistakes from time to time. And it’s paramount that a Daddy acknowledge his mistakes and apologize when necessary.
If a Little is having a tantrum or is upset and doesn’t want to listen to talk, then wait until a time when it’s appropriate to talk. Turn off the phones and TVs and sit down and look each other in the eye and talk one after another, TRULY listen to each other.
Communication - open, honest, transparent communication is the key to a Daddy/little girl relationship, if not all relationships. Hope this helps.
If she’s being too touchy or telling you how to do things, spank her and tell her to back off and follow what YOU say. You’re in charge. Uppity bratty littles might just be looking for negative attention.
If you have true and serious problems in your relationship, though, talk OUTSIDE of your Daddy/little roles as PEOPLE FIRST. If you truly have difficulties, seek help from a therapist. That’s what they’re there for.
Hope this helps!
- Daddy Vinnie
bellesoumise said: Oops! Just to clarify, I meant that I think if you are in a relationship with a large age gap, it's probably more healthy for you to be polyamourous. If that makes sense :) Glad to finally talk to you, I'm a longtime follower(creeper before I had tumblr!)
Umm.. not sure if it’s “more healthy” or not. From my perspective, relationships are healthy when all participants are open and honest about themselves, that they respect each other, that they work together and show compassion/empathy for each other, that they truly accept each other regardless - and don’t have to pretend to be something they are not.
Whether monogamy, polyamory, or however you want to configure your relationship, the ability to be yourself and be accept and give love are the foundations for a healthy relationship.
Age gap — age is just a number. Most people have had relationships with older people in their lives - grandparents, great grandparents. Some of them were quite close. Not all relationships have to be sexual either to have good relationships.
Those relationships that are also sexual, again, age is just a number. Barring major debilitating diseases, people can have sex through the majority of their lives. And who they choose to do that with should be their own choice.
And YAY for coming off Anon! So happy about that. Glad you are here on tumblr. Stop by with questions anytime at all.
- Daddy Vinnie
bellesoumise said: To the anon with a 31 year age gap... I am in a relationship with a 50+ year age gap and there are times when it is really hard! But most of the time I just feel safe and loved and secure because I'm more comfortable with people who aren't my age. I don't know what your experience is Mr. Vinnie, but I feel like it's a lot healthier to be in an age gap relationship when you're polyamorous and also have other loves. Just my two cents, though
Oooo! Thanks for responding to one of my followers. A 50+ year age gap.. wow, that’s a lot.
I think one can have a healthy polyamorous relationship regardless of age gap. For instance, Lo and her husband are the same age, and they’re poly and it’s healthy. I think in an age gap relationship, there is perhaps more of a tendency to have some poly lifestyle. The older person isn’t as sexually driven (not our case!) and if the younger person has a higher sex drive (often) then a poly relationship can keep them fulfilled that way without taking away from the primary age gap relationship.
But that’s just talking. I think each relationship is different and there are just as many people doing things one way successfully as another.
I know many people who are the same age or close in age who have healthy functioning poly relationships.
- Daddy Vinnie
cocobijoulala said: Hello Mister Vinnie a hello Lo! Disney World is the bees knees! EPCOT is the absolute best, I highly recommend a trip there. 😊 Have fun with Disneyland though! I've never been but once we move back down to San Diego I intend to remedy that. Hopefully, one day we'll all meet up the most magical place on Earth! Be well and enjoy your Summer! *hugs*~R
Huggs! It’s been a long time! I saw you poking around and liking some of my posts. How have you been? Hope you’ve been fantastic.
I do hope someday to get to Disneyworld. It’s looking less and less like it will happen this year. I’ve just signed on for a new teaching assignment that has effectively erased my summer. So it looks like my next vacation will be Christmas break. And boy do I need a break. Ugh. Just one day without grading would be fantastic.
I practically grew up at Disneyland. I lived within an hour of there and went several times a year.
When are you moving back to San Diego? Because… you MUST come out and meet us when you do. It’s required! ;P My Lolita and I love meeting our tumblr friends in person. It’s SOOOOO MUCH FUN!
And yes, Disney is the happiest place on Earth… no doubt (that and my and Lo’s bed *wink*) …oh wait, that’s not happy, that’s pervy!
Enjoy your summer as well. Keep in touch. Hugs!
- Daddy Vinnie
Anonymous said: Any words of wisdom for a new daddy?
Dear New Daddy Anon,
Yes, Come off Anon and be friends. Don’t hide, ever.
Accept yourself. Know yourself. Be true to yourself. Don’t try to pretend to be anyone else but yourself and find someone to be with who accepts you for who you are.
Put away all pretenses about what is or is not a Daddy or a Little for each of you. Work it out between yourselves about the things you like and don’t and be open, honest, and transparent.
Do everything you would do in a regular relationship - be kind, be honest, be compassionate. Give more than you think you’re able, and love with all your heart.
And take your little to Disneyland as often as possible, especially for LittleSpace at Disneyland over the first weekend in October! :)
- Daddy Vinnie
kathnp said: A male friend has told me he has strong feelings for me. I have a boyfriend we have been together for MANY YRS ! I have feelings for this friend. I have never cheated but i have been thinking about it. By b/f is not into poly or open relationships.
Well. I’m not one to judge. I’ve been on both sides of cheating. But I learn quickly and well. When I realized the damage I did to myself and my self-esteem when I cheated, I vowed never to hurt myself like that again.
I live a life now where relationship possibilities are nearly endless. I’m open, honest, and transparent about all my feelings and thoughts. It’s the most free I’ve EVER felt in my life.
If you are thinking about cheating, that means there is an important piece of you that’s not getting something from your primary relationship AND you two aren’t talking about it. Talk about it. You say your BF isn’t into poly. Many aren’t. Hubs was not when Lo and I first started too. Now we barely see him cuz he’s off on dates of his own. lol. And he’s still very much committed to Lo and the family and to the triad.
Talk to your partner. Cheating isn’t a solution. It’s a response. And it’s often an action you can’t go back from.
Sometimes, when relationships reach these lulls, we do things to spice them up. Figure out why you want to cheat. Talk to your bf about that. You don’t have to break up to have other lovers. But it requires some work in order that you both understand your relationship boundaries and dynamics and you are truthful to those.
Be true to yourself. But be honest to yourself AND those you care about.
I hope you can sort it out. Write back if you have other questions. You’re always welcome here.
- Daddy Vinnie
kats-daddy said: I just want to say that I admire your relationship with Lolita and her hubs. I don't feel I could ever have such a relationship even though my little girl has wanted to get a little sister (or big sister). Any advice?
Hello there and welcome to my blog! Our feelings come and go, so despite what you “feel,” there just may be some socialization and fear in the way of embracing more love in your life.
The polyamorous lifestyle isn’t for anyone, but it’s definitely one in which you can experience a much fuller life in terms of love. Think of poly life like this: you have one child. And then you have a 2nd child. You don’t cut your love in half to love that second child. Your love multiplies. You love BOTH children fully, and that love is inexhaustible and infinite. It’s the same with pets or any other creatures which you love in this life. It’s the same when inviting other relationships and lovers into your life. You don’t stop loving the one person or love them any less. You merely expand your capacity to love.
I would suggest you read The Ethical Slut as a first book to learn more about polyamory. Reading about poly and entertaining the idea of just a play session with another can open your eyes to the potentials of a poly life.
Understand your own impulses. If you are jealous, why? Do you think you will be losing love? Usually jealousy and other reactions to your loved ones getting involved with others provides you an opportunity to work on yourself, to look inside and see why you are having the reactions you are having. And once you figure it out, the discomfort goes away. And once you see your partner go out on a date with another, and then come back to you because you are his or her primary partner - you start to feel this great empathy, this compersion for the other. You are happy because THEY are happy! And it actually feels really really good.
I hope this helps. If you have any specific questions, let me know. You’re always welcome here.
- Daddy Vinnie
Anonymous said: Hi Don't know why I'm even writing this but I feel I need to tell someone I meet a man, much older than me I'm 20 he is 60 It's impossible right? It won't work He thinks it won't, and I'm just so hurt. Because I feel so much but it's impossible.
Dear Age Gapped Anon,
A 40-year age gap is quite a bit. It really depends on what you mean about what will work and won’t. If you just want a physical relationship, hey, go for it. If you want a close love relationship, there are great challenges, but it will work only if you both want it to work. If one person is skeptical, then yes, you have an issue.
But don’t be hurt. Everyone has his or her own right to choose who she or he wants to have a relationship with and for what reasons. At 60, a man’s sex drive is slowing down (well, thank you modern medicine!), and physical aches and pains become a much more daily thing. More serious health problems begin to plague someone in their 60s. It’s the downward slope of the hill of life. At 20, you are just waking up to life. Your sex drive is likely to be much much higher. Your exposure to the world much less. If you are open-minded, that’s great. But if your 60 year old guy is not open-minded, then his 60 years has helped him form many opinions about life, most of which are probably so entrenched in his being that he will not change his mind about them these deeply held opinions will seem like closed-mindedness, even if he’s a liberal thinker.
There are great challenges to managing a 40 year old age gap, not to mention cultural proprieties (not that those should stop you). What would your family say if you introduced him as a BF, and what would his grandchildren say? Hmm?
I’m all for age gap - but only if both parties are into it, and if they can fully say “fuck it” to what society thinks. If not, then there will be delicate and sticky times ahead.
Come off Anon and be friends. Write again!
- Daddy Vinnie